What makes a family?

The family is a complicated and interesting construction. What makes a family a family? What makes every family different? Why are some families functional and others are not? While these questions are important, they are difficult to answer. The truth is that there are many factors and variables that play into each and every family that it is near impossible to answer these questions. There are however a few theories that help us understand families and what influences them a little better. These theories are known as the exchange theory, the symbolic interaction theory, and general ecological theory.

            According to Kendra Cherry, exchange theory is “the result of an exchange process. The purpose of this exchange is to maximize benefits and minimize costs.” In simpler terms, this is to say that everyone wants to get ahead. If you were to do something for a friend or family member you would say they owe you and expect them to return the favor in some way. Now, this can be negative, but it also can be positive. Having the constant desire to get ahead of loved ones can be damaging to a relationship because you can become relatively selfish in this pursuit and hurt others. However, it is important to expect from both sides in a relationship. To consistently give generously without receiving anything in return can make it so you expend all of your resources and leave you in a bad spot. For this reason, it is good to be kind and generous but also have limits.

            Symbolic interaction theory is the idea that humans are primarily shaped by their interactions and experiences. I personally have seen this in my life. When I was younger my family live fairly far from my grandparents. As a result, I never really met a lot of my extended family, just my grandparents and my aunts and uncles. Over the years I have more of my relatives. One thing that surprised me was how similar my grandpa’s siblings act like him. When I was young, I just thought was his unique personality but now I can see differently. The explanation for these similarities can be found in the symbolic interaction theory. Growing up together and spending a considerable amount of time together made it so they experienced many of the same experiences and interactions. The results are obvious. I have seen signs of this in my own family. I myself am a very shy person and generally do not like attention to me. My brother however is quite different. He does not mind at all the attention and will do random attention calling actions. While I am still shy, I find that at times I too can get myself to do these random attention calling actions. This is probably a result of the experiences I have had where my brother does this or even ropes me into doing one with him.

            General ecological theory is the view that human behavior is the result of the relationship between individuals and their environments. This is expressed through the difference in cultures. There are some cultures where the people are very kind and outgoing and others where the people are more closed off and prefer to stay to themselves. They are like that because of their environment and how others have acted around them. An example of this is my Grandmother. My grandmother grew up in Samoa. When she was 18 years old, she immigrated to the United States. As should be expected there are a few cultural differences I have noticed between her and other members of my family – including myself. One thing that I have noticed is that my grandmother is very giving even of things that may be difficult. Whereas for people here they are not that way. Another thing that I have noticed is she is very close with her friends and treats them like family and even wishes me to do the same while me and my immediate family are more secluded.