Adjusting to Marriage

 

As I touch on last week a marriage a work in progress. Many think that marriage is the easy part, but a small situation presented by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. It goes “Another bride sighed blissfully on her wedding day, ‘Mom, I’m at the end of all my troubles!’ ‘Yes,’ replied her mother, ‘but at which end?’” Though it may be humorous it is indeed the truth. The formation of a marriage is a beautiful and spectacular thing but with the arrival of a new marriage come many new challenges. Marriage is different from any other relationship and so it has its unique challenges. It is completely normal to have disagreements and arguments in a marriage what makes a marriage great is the ability to work through and overcome those problems.

One way to help overcome challenges in marriage is to make an effort to establish a superb relationship. One factor in forming a good relationship with a spouse is constantly working to improve the relationship even when things are completely fine. The Family a Proclamation to the world expresses “Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan...Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” One of the biggest ways that we can work to improve a marriage is by putting God first. God is an all-knowing and all-powerful being. He is able to see and understand what is good for us and what is not in a way that we simply cannot do. Because of his immense love for us our Heavenly Father seeks to help us and guide us. Building a better relationship with him will help us communicate with him more easily and understand his wisdom better. With this added understanding and wisdom, we will be able to know how to become better people in general and also know how we can become better husbands and wives. To draw closer to our Heavenly Father we start to follow the guidelines listed in The Family a Proclamation to the World, faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion.

Another way to help overcome challenges in a marriage is to be 100 percent dedicated to it. We must have a covenant marriage instead of a contractual marriage. What is the difference? Elder Bruce C. Hafen once explained the difference. He said “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent. Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.” Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other.” (Ensign Nov. 1996). The idea of a covenant marriage versus a contractual one is thought-provoking. Naturally, we should all strive to have a covenant marriage. One where both partners are 100 percent dedicated and are not only there for personal convenience and pleasure. As spouses strive to have a covenant marriage they will find the strength that is needed to overcome trials in their marriage and find joy and satisfaction.