Blended Families

 Often times we like to see things in their ideal state. For some reason, we seek to make things look perfect. We, however live in a world where nothing is perfect. Since the fall of Adam, the world has been fallen and imperfect. The ideal family would be thought of as a father and mother with their children. However frequently families are not like this whether it be from death or divorce or any other reason many families are completely different than that “ideal” family. But as it is these families can be a beautiful environment where children can grow and learn. With effort, blended families can reach divinity. Some key factors in this are unity and communication.

Unity is extremely important in a blended family. If the family is not united, then it will never be able to function properly. Unity starts with the head of the household, the parents. The parents should love and fully support each other. After that part is achieved work must be made so that unity extends beyond the couple. As Elder Robert E. Wells said “To generate unity, families need to share goals and time together. Church attendance, family home evening, family prayer, family councils, work projects, vacations, and leisure-time activities provide opportunities for togetherness. It is important that blended families use the best of former family goals and traditions and that they also establish new goals and traditions.” (Liahona June 1999) To naturally create this unity effort and time is required. A quality relationship needs to be established between the children and the new parent and this can only be achieved with time. It may be slow going and frustrating, but the time and effort can prove invaluable in the future. Elder Wells also said “Stepparents need to be patient. Because emotional attachments between stepparents and stepchildren require time, it sometimes may take years to establish a united and harmonious blended family. Adults, as well as children, bring to a blended family experiences and expectations that can affect new family relationships. Some stepparents may need to play a secondary role in the life of a child. Rather than compete with a relationship between a child and a parent who is no longer in the home, stepparents need to concentrate on building a new relationship with the child. Though some children may be reluctant to bond with a new parent, they should not have to compete for that parent’s love. While a stepmother, for example, may never take the place of a deceased parent in a child’s heart, she can create a place of her own in that child’s heart by showing love and exercising patience.” (Liahona June 1999)

Communication is also extremely important in the forming of a blended family. There are many challenges that come with forming a blended family. Communication is key in overcoming these challenges and overcoming issues. Elder Wells said “Diplomatic yet open and honest communication is essential if a blended family is to define responsibilities, establish boundaries, and resolve emotional issues. The wounds left by death or divorce—insecurity, lack of self-worth and confidence, reluctance to trust others—need to be talked about openly and resolved so that new patterns of healthy familial interaction can occur. Family members do not simultaneously close the door on the past. A widower may be ready for a new wife before his children are ready for a new mother. Those children need parents who will encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings. ‘To be effective, family communication must be an exchange of feelings and information,” said Elder Marvin J. Ashton, formerly of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. “Doors of communication will swing open in the home if members will realize time and participation on the part of all are necessary ingredients. In family discussions, differences should not be ignored, but should be weighed and evaluated calmly. One’s point or opinion usually is not as important as a healthy, continuing relationship’” (Liahona June 1999) With healthy communication new bonds can be formed and many challenges can be overcome.